Scotland: The Return

This trip to Glasgow was my first ever repeat country trip. I had quite a few people ask me, “WHY Scotland and WHY at the end of November?” Arguably, it is one of the more unpleasant times weather and daylight wise. For those of us that get Thanksgiving and the day after off as PTO, this is the perfect time to make the most of your PTO while taking advantage of the European off season. Remember, Thanksgiving is strictly an American holiday so no one else in the world gives a shit and while most of us are inter-country commuting , the rest of the world awaits.

Many Christmas markets in Europe are just getting started and it’s a great time to visit if you are able to deal with the weather. For some of us that are already dealing with the rain and cold in the U.S., the change is not that remarkable and its easy to adapt and make the best of any potentially bad weather. I visited Edinburgh and Inverness back in July of 2018 as part of a bigger trip that involved a wedding in Yarm in the UK, and it still stands out as one of my favorite vacations. I do want to go back to Edinburgh and other various parts of Scotland, Wales, and the Uk but for some reason I knew I needed to really see what was going on in Scotland’s biggest city, Glasgow. I felt the pull, and I answered.

So here we go again, the episodic, daily account of my travel adventures. I’m also excited to now introduce PICTURES to the blog, so you can follow along more interactively.

Wednesday, November 27 - Glasgow

Its 10:46 a.m. and after a surprisingly good flight from PDX with a whole row to myself, and a bit of a shit show at the Iceland airport, I have arrived. I am feeling pretty gross in my brain because it still kind of feels like nighttime—I’m very time warped. Right now, I’m just around the corner from my hotel at a recommended breakfast place called La Vita. I’m waiting for my room to be ready early which I hope it is because I need a power nap real bad. It is very Christmasy everywhere already. There is the main Christmas market/fair thing right next to my hotel (The Native), and I’m not sure that is good thing or a bad thing yet.

After breakfast with the appropriate amount of hollandaise sauce, I walked around the area, including Buchannan street which is the pedestrian thoroughfare street with lots and lots of chain stores for shopping which feels very much so like a most major cities thing. I don’t love it, but again probably expected, as you can’t expect every major European city to feel old and run by independent shopkeepers. However, being so close to the subway and bus station will be a huge advantage. The subway looks like it goes in two loops in opposite directions so that will be helpful and thankfully easy.

I attempt to find the pharmacy which is called “Boots” which is basically UK Walgreens here to buy some vittles and failed, however I did find a convenience store and purchased a trip umbrella of the cheapest crapiest variety in the event of rain. I was summoned back to the Native at 12:30 because my room was ready. Thank fuck. So cute, it’s perfect, with a FULL SHOWER DOOR (this is big deal in Europe) a cute kitchenette area with mini fridge and comfy bed. I took a 2 and ½ hour nap, cleaned jet lag off the body, centered myself, stretched, made up my face and prepared for a pre-dinner cocktail at the Devil of Brooklyn.

I am at the Devil of Brooklyn. Love the aesthetic—pastel pinks and green, pagan god themed drinks, candles in the fireplace. HATE the incense onslaught right as you walk through the door. This smell is living rent free in my nostrils, it is like I just snorted rose and geranium potpourri, I may never drink Gewurztraminer again. I’m having the Apollo, which is Bombay Citron, Coconut, Lychee, with “house acid” and angostura bitters. Glasgow might be the gateway to my gin era. It definitely got dark here about the same time as PDX— maybe a touch earlier. Other first impressions: Christmas is bustling here, I’m already enjoying the lights I’m seeing everywhere. Not as many old buildings as Edinburgh which was expected. I feel like I am either in a pocket of town where maybe the sun hits different? I’m not sure, except for that one night in Iceland forever ago this is the first time I’m staying so far north in winter. The people of Glasgow have been very helpful so far.

OMG cute dog alert, a dog just came into the bar and he is wearing a very cute sweater. So far it seems like a very dog friendly city, even my hotel is dog friendly. My second cocktail will be the Artemis, with Bombay, St. Germain, mint, blackberry and citrus. It is more tart but the mint sprig is affixed with a mini clothes pin, very into this precious touch.

A group of six people came in wearing sports scarves and were not allowed in because of their “colors”? Were they hooligans? At first I thought the bartender was kidding but he was deadass serious and kicked them out. I have to find out more about this!

I AM NOW ONE WITH THE INCENSE, I AM A ROSE NOW AND THE ROSE IS ME

Mural depicting a modern day interpretation of St. Mungo

Wow its only 5:30? Time is moving slow. Okay, I got filled the fuck in on the color issue from the bartender and a little googling. It’s called the Old Firm rivalry which is a football thing. The Rangers (who wear blue) and the Celtics (who wear green) fight each other all the time on derby days (in which they play each other). This rivalry is basically just vailed or not so valid sectarianism between Catholics and Protestant and other cultural and political differences, it seems that the Rangers have a sub-group which is very white nationalist vibes and have things called “Orange Marches” which is basically a racist parade. So whenever one of these teams is playing (sometimes not even each other) if you wear your team affiliation you are opening yourself up to violence, like a surprise assault from a fan of the opposite team. Man, it must suck to have your whole identity be a sports team. Sure, love sports, love a team, root for your team, but attacking another person over it? Be better my dudes.

I just found out that the dog is a Cairn Terrier and his name is Bear. Anyway, time to walk to my dinner.

I am now at The Gannet which is going to be my splurge/Thanksgiving meal for sure. The walk was about a mile, direct, and brisk. I’ve elected to do the tasting menu so I can try as many things as possible. It starts with one single very fancy oyster, then a mushroom beignet with focaccia and wheaten bread that has a Guinness glaze and Derry butter and holy shit this bread is so good and it is giving me life!

I ordered this 2018 Blanc de Blanc from Kent which is England’s main sparkling wine region and wow it is really good. It smells like French toast. It is from a winery called Gusbourne Estates. I decided to go even more ham at this meal and do the wine pairing. I mean I may only be here once in my entire life.

There is a wild halibut with horseradish ice cream which was paired with a 2023 Pouilly Fume. This horseradish ice cream might be one of the most interesting and delicious things I have ever eaten. I enjoyed this paring.

I am having a Georgian orange wine –Rkatsiteli with my bitter leaf salad. This is a great pairing because it good just the right about of acid and minimal grape tannin to compliments the greens.

Next is an aged shorthorn with black garlic, smoked eel and cracking with a chilled red wine from Hungary called Kadarka which used to be the primary grape in blend from Hungary called Bikavér or more commonly knows as “Bull's Blood” The name comes from the Hungarian words "bika" (bull) and "vér" (blood). Now it is a blend of Kékfrankos (aka Blaufränkisch) Kadarka appears to be an indigenous grape of either Bulgaria/Albania but the internet and the countries are probably divided on that so let s just say that Kadarka is native to the Balkan region.

The shoehorn dish is definitely leaning more into Asian flavors so I feel a Reisling might have worked better here. Still good. Next was a spiced monkfish (god I wish we had more monkfish in the states, it’s like the REAL chicken of the sea, very hearty, dense yet flakey, really good). The monkfish was paired with a 2020 white Burgundy that was all stainless steel though I would’ve maybe liked to have a chard with some neutral oak for slight body punch-up.

Next was the Partridge (I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ve ever had a successful small foul that wasn’t overcooked) with a 2022 Pinot Noir from Alsace.

For dessert it was a spiced wine poached fig tart with clove and chestnut with a late harvest Petit Manseng from Southern France. The wine was very good, but I feel like Port might have worked better here to go up against the spiced components in the dish.

Thursday, November 28 – Glasgow (Turkey Day in ‘Merica)

Last night I ended up going to Ben Nevis which was a place I heard about on a travel show that has live jams and it was very close to the Gannet. It was packed and I managed to push my way through the multiple congregation circles, order a Lager which will get you a beer by Tennant, the major brewery here, and went to a corner to watch the musicians. There was also a nice fireplace and there was a dog just sleeping peacefully amongst all the chaos. He is probably conditioned to it. There were at least 4-5 fiddlers, a flute, a clarinet, an accordion, one guitarist, and one dude playing some sort of bagpipe adjacent thing.

It was funny how some of them would be looking at their phone, put it down to play, then back to the phone while the song might still be going. There was a lead fiddle man and his fiddle was gun-metal gray/blackish. Some jams were more intense with foot stopping and you could feel the reverberations through the floor. Some beautiful slow songs that made my PMSing ass shed a few tears. Either way, it was a grand ol’ time and a good end to the evening. The bartenders were cute too and kept descending down this secret basement door to retrieve back up booze or whatever else is stored down there.

Slept like SHITE (That is Scottish for Shit 😉), as I had terrible cramps. I took something too late in the night to sleep then woke up at 11:00 a.m. OOPS. I’m currently at the Singl-End for a brunch of a bunch of proteins for the day, and an oat milk latte. Another dog! They are everywhere! I guess it’s fine if they are small which is what this lil’ dude was but I cant imagine a gigantic dog in this breakfast establishment. My plan for the day is to walk to the Necropolis and see how long that languid exploration takes. I do have a little beer tour today at 5:30 then dinner is wherever the night leads me.

Okay, lots to cover. After breakfast I walked to the Glasgow Necropolis. I might supplement here with information from my just concluded beer tour with Mhairi (pronounced Vari). Her boyfriend grew up in Rio Rancho, NM… too funny. I told her we used to call it Rio Rathole and she said she was totally going to tell him I was talking shit about the Westside suburbs.

I think Charles Tennant had more than a few friends.

On the way to the Necropolis, which was VERY NIPPY BTW, I saw the three-college cluster and various murals on various walls of said colleges. The Necropolis is next to St. Mungo’s Cathedral of which the spire is under construction. St. Mungo was a monk who founded Glasgow in 500 AD. The oldest area of Glasgow is Merchant City which was for all the tobacco imports from the Americas. Glasgow was the first and most easy port to get tobacco to the rest of Scotland. This trade fell apart during the American revolution because Glasgow was part of the UK and America was pretty upset with UK at the time. Glasgow had to start trading with the west indies instead for cotton, sugar, etc. which further expanded the population and city, and therefore most of Glasgow was actually built post American Revolution times which explains why most of the graves that I saw at the Necropolis were people that were born or died in the early 1800s.

The Necropolis was a multi-tier place that went in many directions up multiple hills. I focused mainly on the top tier which had the best views, and the biggest grave markers which I assume were made for the BFDs of Glasgow. Included in the who’s who of Glasgow history were Buchannan of the prior mentioned street, Charles Tennent, bleach chemist, inventor of bleach powder, who has helped make millions of women blonde. He had a “few friends” who basically built him at least one of the top ten flashiest tombstones, including a literal bronze casting statue of him in a chair looking pensive.

This is as far as the sun ever got into the sky daily

There was also a little lane of extremely elaborate mausoleums, and many many obelisks. There was even one mausoleum that looked like it led to an underground system of tunnels beneath the main hill. Spooky. It was a dry, crisp day and there were striations of light coming through stacked wispy clouds. There were these strange large birds everywhere, they looked like a cross between an Orielle and a Puffin, with a very long tail plume. Anyway more on the beer tour tomorrow. I did stop by the winter fest finally. Meh. Classic snacks, an insane amount of candy. Rode a Ferris wheel, got a hot chocolate, got in touch with the inner child-like whimsy.

Friday, November 29 - Glasgow

I’m currently at The Stack and Still for savory pancakes. I’m having the pesto egg stack with feta, spinach, pine nuts, and mushrooms with side of bacon. I love the idea behind this but the pancakes are very cakey and thick and the whole thing was pretty dry. I also found out that pesto and feta don’t work all that well on sweet bread. After this, I’m on my way to the Kelvingrove Museum. Today’s temperature is warmer and muggier, overcast and about 47 degrees.

Okay let’s talk beer tour highlights from yesterday. So, the tour was literally just me, so it felt like rent-a-friend, but with more facts! We went to Schilling Brewery first where we had their lager and their ale. I found out that the true different between the two, and its yeast! Lager ferments at cooler temperatures and the yeast sinks to the bottom and the beer is clearer. Ale ferments at a warmer temp and the yeast will float resulting in a more yellow and cloudy beer. Mhairi kept asking me to go on a spiritual journey with each beer—what season are we drinking this in? Where am I? What do I sense and smell? It was a new way to experience a tasting and I think I’ll start applying that logic more to wine—like where are we and what we are doing going BEFORE we get to the flavor descriptors. Schilling also has some delicious looking pizza so I might have to come back here at some point for that, though I’m due for a big-ass salad. I tried their beer that is integrated with Irn-Bru, Scotland’s national carbonated soft drink which tastes like liquid bubble gum. Wild.

The lad congregation clusters at The Horseshoe

Next we tried to go to the Pot Still which was a recommendation to get a beer from a brewery called WEST which only 4 ingredients. It was way too crowded though, so we ended up at The Horseshoe which was also packed with lad congregation circles. The bar itself is massive and shaped like, you guessed it, a horseshoe Next we went to Innis & Gunn were we had cask conditioned ales, which were a Scottish Ale and a Red Ale. One was aged in old Jamaican rum barrels. I learned that Scottish Ale uses char malts which is very toasted malt which means the sugars are crystallized and that yeast cannot eat crystalized sugar.

Speaking of beer, I’m now at Brew Dog post Kelvingrove museum. I took the subway! It was a very small and compact thing. Very easy to figure out though. I think I did get off at the wrong stop but oh well, nothing wrong with some more walking. I was on the inner loop, which was a great way to get to Ashton Lane, but I skipped that and walked a mile through the University of Glasgow. They have a zoology museum there which looked cool and was free but not today. I spent two-ish hours at Kelvingrove.

I liked learning about, and seeing works by The Glasgow Boys, which are totally giving “Romantics” cool emo boy club vibes. According to the main, plaque, they were the most significant group of British artists of their time. They worked in a modern European style and inspired others to broaden their horizons. I bought a book to learn more about them later. There were definably a bigger group than the Romantics but I saw a mixture of mythology, nature and realism. There were lots of paintings of Scottish life and history.

I love the dark weird stuff and there was a painting of “The Brownie of Blednoch” which I’m not sure what the hell that name means but apparently the Scottish name Aiken-Drum it is based off a poem by William Nicholson about a phantom who scares people based on its appearance, for he hell of it? Anyway it is to the left here, straight from 1889.

There was a gross weird taxidermy section like they have at the field museum in Chicago. When I first walked into the museum, there was an organ recital going on. I love an organ in a big echoing building especially when it isn’t a church.

There was really too much to write about but I loved the floating heads, the Grayson Perry Vase, and these totally hot for each other WW2 pilots.

So far my routine has been, sleep in too late, brunch, activity, break, dinner, post dinner activity – I mean it not that I don’t mind, I was just hoping not to be sleeping in so late and getting more accomplished. I have not been this far North this late in the year so that combined with the jet lag makes it feel like time sped forward but also slowed down at the same time. Like right now—it’s 3:45 and it is almost dark and the clouds don’t really help either. Like the sun never fully gets that high in the sky so it always feels like dawn or twilight. I do need to get back to my part of town and will take the subway again. I do love this subway loop thing. You never have to worry about picking the wrong station! Though I did want to explore this area a bit more. Brew Dog has pretty good beer. Had a Fool’s Gold Lager, a Grape Escape Pilsner, and a Weave Scotch Ale.

It is now 9:00 p.m. and I am at Scotia, which is apparently Glasgow’s oldest pub. Th sign out front says so and cites the year 1792. It is a bit on the divy side. I feel like I also might be getting made fun of in another language by the table next to me, and I also feel like I was about to get human trafficked by an alleged “US Army Interpreter” looking for a “Discothèque” who just wanted to be “friends”. He was following me for way too long and asked me if I was walking to “lose weight” and other weird shit that someone from America would never ask a complete stranger. BYE SCAM DUDE. Anyway, this has been a weird night. But I’ll go on.

I arrived at 7:00 p.m. for a dinner reservation at Margo at the chef’s counter. At first I was pretty bummed out by my seat. It was seated closest to the heat lamps and I run so hot these days and it was very squished and I could not be moved because it was booked. Then the two main chef/expo guys started asking me questions, giving me recs, and dare I say maybe flirting with me? Maybe they are that way with all the flustered looking sweaty solo travelers. The also plugged the new downstairs more casual place “Sebbs” (La La Land ref?) and being cheeky about “meet us there after work” I didn’t think they were being that serious, plus also higher up hot chefs at a fancy new restaurant are def banging all these hot servers. Sebbs does look cool but I’ll have to check that out another time because I’m pretty sure they won’t be done working until 11 p.m. or later and I have a big day tomorrow.

The pumpkin with the stuff on top at Margo

At Margo I had the croquettes with ham hock and manchego, roasted pumpkin with stuff on top, beet pasta with goat cheese and the scallops. Even though hot chef promised me he saved the biggest scallop for me, I could only eat like 2/3 because the heartburn hit me like a fucking bullet train. Not the cute kind that is tamed by some tums either, the kind that makes you feel like even your saliva is slicing down your esophagus.

Okay back to Scotia. It is close to the river Clyde which I haven’t ventured to yet, maybe a walk up especially since Mahairi told me the immediate other side of the river is scary. It is a little baren down here. Is every riverfront a sketchy shit show? Just Glasgow and Portland maybe. Oh, good those obnoxious people next to me have left! Still so full of squash and root veg. This beer is literally just a prop, I can barely drink it.

Saturday, November 30 – Outside of Glasgow (Inverary, Oban and Glencoe)

Currently at Cuan Mor in Oban for lunch. I am now very hungry since I had to get up so early. Sleep still evades me, what is that even anymore? It is a shame because the bed is so comfortable. Sleep for three hours, be awake for three then sleep for one or two more, its lame. Anyway, let’s see what I can remember from the drive up here with Jeff ( I think that is right).

There are lots of lochs up this way. First stop was Loch Lombard for photo ops. Mixture of salt water and fresh water. Also, I saw Loch Long. Learned about the Duke of Argyle who was part of Clan Campbell. I guess this is Campbell country up here. The Duke built Inveraray castle. I saw it but decided to walk around the town of Inverary instead. Went to this old bell tower, found a creepy open door, and supported the local economy with some souvenirs. We got into Oban late because of traffic which sucks because it would be nice to spend some more time here.

We drove though a bunch of small towns which all seem to be different pictorial versions of “a very old Inn.” Apparently there are two lambing seasons a year and this year there was only one and I didn’t ask why but must have been something to do with sucky grass?

Other things from the tour:

Rest & Be Thankful – We stopped to admire the view here. According to the Visit Scotland, it is the highest point on the A83 and is 803 ft above sea level and divides Glen Kinglas from Glen Croe.

From the viewpoint of this famous beauty spot you can see the old valley road, engineered by General Wade during the subjection of Scotland following the Jacobite rebellion.

A stone was erected to commemorate the completion of this military road in 1750.

McDonald Clan Massacre at Glencoe – The massacre at Glencoe was on 2/13/1692. The very very abbreviated version is as follows: William of Orange and Mary the II were exiled in France because they had overthrown a Stuart. They needed an asshole to enforce laws in the Highlands. Made said asshole have clans sign an allegiance to the new King with a deadline. McDonald Clan (known back then as the biggest dicks of the clans) were late signing the agreement but also not really, they were just the last to do it and that pissed of William. The asshole gathered troops and many of them had the last name Campbell which might have something to do with that famous McDonald/Campbell feud.

Those British soldiers went to Glencoe in winter either late Jan/early Feb and the McDonalds took them in because quartering and sheltering of soldiers of his majesty’s army was mandatory and better than paying taxes and also why we literally have the third amendment to the Constitution against this very thing.

So the McDonalds took in the soldiers, feed them, gave them a place to sleep, until the soldiers got their kill order. Five of them said “fuck that shit, not cool” and deserted and were later punished, maybe killed at Fort William. The other stationed soldiers literally started killing people in their beds while they slept which is just super heinous. Some people fled but then froze to death in the snow. 70-ish McDonalds died and everyone thought that they King went too far.

God’s Lawnmowers (Black Head sheep) – These are the sheep with black heads that are like “half goat” because they will eat everything including the Scottish tough grass which pokes its head through the regular grass which I think is what the Trossachs in the nation park name “Lake Lombard and Trossachs” Actually never mind, it’s a groups of Glenns (valleys) and Lochs.

Oban Distillery – One of Scotland's oldest sources of Single Malt Scotch Whisky is just a short meander from the sea. Look, I’m not a Whisky person like at all, BUT I will sometimes dabble when in Scotland and when I’m at the actual distilleries and get to learn more about where the stuff comes from. I did taste one here that I was assured was lighter and had more of a honey flavor, it’s so hard to pick on flavor notes in spirits because my nose just gets overwhelmed by the alcohol.

Town of Paisly – Famous musicians from here include Paolo Nutini (his 2007 album, These Streets, is great and in particular the song, Rewind) and Gerry Rafferty. Rafferty died of alcoholism. I didn’t know this and feel embarrassed based on how much I love the song Right Down the Line. He was originally part of the Wheeler Dealers who had the hit song Stuck in the Middle with You which got popular AFTER Rafferty left the band and fuck they must have resented him for that! There was also something about Gerry Rafferty at the Scotia like he was there at some point which makes sense. At least I can now say that I have been in the same place as Gerry Rafferty was at some point. Should that be on my tombstone? Will my friends also erect of bronze statue of me sitting in a chair looking pensive?

Doune Castle – We just saw this from a distance but it was the main Castle used in In Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It served as the location for multiple castles in the film, including Camelot, Castle Anthrax, and the French castle where the taunting takes place according to movie locations sites.

On the drive back to Glasgow we were regaled with some Robert “(Rabbie to the folks here) Burns poems, songs, and history. As many may already know, he is Scotland’s national poet, and every year at midnight New Year’s Eve we sing his poem, Auld Lang Syne.

Sunday 12/1 – East End Glasgow

Currently at Tennents Brewing with a free pint after my tour which I spontaneously decided to do after my shopping day at the Barras Market at Barrowland. Feel better today! I l think I slept 12 hours straight because my body told my brain to get its shit together and knocked us the fuck out. I mean I didn’t want to sleep until 11:30 but oh well! I think since Monday I have had MAYBE 18 hours total which is actually insane but my travel adrenaline does have its limits. So yes, walked to Barras market which is below the Barrowland Ballroom which has an interesting history you can learn more about here.

The Barras market is half flea market, half vintage, half artists/artisan crafts. Lots of “random crap” stalls but also lots of cool artists. I bought some cool prints from the Womb Room, and I bought a picture of the Barrowland neon sign because I do love a good neon sign. I also got some stuff from another cool illustrator called Sophie Louise of “Tinnies in the Park” Tinnies are slang for cans of beer. I bought some kind of cool movie prints things from this dude who was just straight up blowing rolly cig smoke in everyone’s face. What a vibe.

I am now at Finneston’s for dinner after a few mini cab disasters. Uber after Tennents? Nope. Just walked back. Thankfully that bright ass winter festival by my hotel is like a guiding compass in the night. Cabs on time for dinner? Nope. It is a rainy shit show out here now. This area really explodes on the weekends, which is probably why the cabs and Ubers are scarce.

Finneston is more of a homey vibe—tavern like with a more seafood forward menu. Getting some oysters and torched mackerel on sourdough with cherry tomato, basil, shallot, and capers. I also got scallops because they just one of my favorite things to eat. Food was big portions here even for starters and I used some of my oyster mignotte to the mackerel toast because it needed acid, really that is my only gripe with Scottish food, some stuff just needs a bit more acid. Mainland Europe, it is salt, but honestly that is probably just an American pallet problem. We fucking love that salt. The portion to price ratio here is great though. I had Riesling with my oyster and am now having a gin highball. My gin era is in full swing now.

Let’s recap some Tennent’s stuff –Began in 1556 by Robert Tennent for the home consumption and would he would give it away to friends and family. In the late 1700s Hugh the elder was like, meh, lets start selling this and expand! Fast Forward to the 1800s— Hugh the younger, 20s, has tuberculosis. BOOOOOO. He chases the sun across Europe because the cure for TB back then was vitamin D and dry air and Scotland had like none of that. He went to Germany , tried LAGER, was blown away and brought a German brewer back to Scotland and Tennents blows up even more. Hugh Jr. can’t marry or procreate because the TB takes him at 27! With no heirs the company goes to trust lawyers and is scooped up by another company, so the last Tennent owner was in 1901.

The company used “malt men” who were dudes that physically rotated the germinating malt over and over all day every day and developed “monkey shoulder” from holding the lower part of the rake at the same position all the time. The last malt men where in late 1960s/early 1970s. It is all automatic now. Found out about “hop pellets” which look and smells like rabbit food, and they are just concentrated hops for big batch brewing. They use hops from Australia, USA, and England because I’m told Scottish hops are shite, just like the weather. The hop pellets were Hercules hops from Germany.

I also learned about the 15 tasters that rotate, 5 per week because they basically have to eat a bland diet, not drink anything other than water and are not allowed to smoke or vape the week of their tasting shift.

The malt. They do not do their own malting. They buy from a Malter. Their Scottish Ale has double the malt. It 9% and their oldest ever brewed since 1850. They actually own the building and lease a building across the street to Druggate which is the brewery I went to before this one. I was at Druggate for like an hour, it was good! Had 3 haggis bonbons which is Scotland’s cheeky term for meatball or croquette maybe. They were very dense and heartly and were served with this mini gravy thing and this was a dish that was just fine without acid.

There was a story about the name Druggate, something about Monks and 1% beer and getting people to come to church for free beer. The Druggate bartender had these gorgeous brown eyes, like those really intense ones that blend into the pupil, I cant explain my attraction to this particular hue of eye color but I know it when I see it and it usually is on guys with a certain shade of dark red hair as well. This combo kills me.

The many White Russian options at Lebowskis

Anyway, I am now post dinner at Lebowski’s which is the bar that has like 25 different types of white Russians after characters in the Big Lebowski. I can’t imagine having more than two of these because they are basically like dessert, so I chose the Walter which is like an alcoholic Yoo Hoo— Blackwoods vodka, Kahlua 50/50, and chocolate sauce. I also had the Jackie Treehorn because if I am ever going to try peanut butter infused vodka, in my life, this is the place, this is the time.

Monday, December 2 – Stirling & Glasgow.

First Class train ticket baby! Hell yeah, excited for my wee day trip to Stirling despite being, once again, exhausted. Couldn’t fall asleep until 3 a.m. then still tossed and turned until 7:30. The train station was a mere 5-minute walk from my hotel. This is the train station that takes you to other parts of Scotland. There is a separate train station that takes you to other parts of the island, like England and Wales.

Stirling Castle was built by James the V, well at least the great hall was in 1503. Other parts of the castle date back to the Battle of Bannockburn in 1314 (Robert the Bruce). Basically the castle has been added to, or parts destroyed over the years. It was really only used as a royal residence through 1603, for about a hundred years. It became barracks for Scottish Soldiers from the Napoleonic Wars through 1964 and then the restoration program began. All the décor you see in the castle now is a reproduction including the recreation of The Hunt of the Unicorn, but more on that later.

Back of the castle, showing the oldest entrance from the 1300s and the more modern addition of the Great Hall later in the 1500s

Side bar: I am actually at dinner right now at The Citizen which is the restaurant closest to my hotel because fuck I’m tired and am just now recapping the day. I really have to ask, and maybe this is a total me problem, but how the fuck does anyone enjoy a meal around here without waves of cologne and perfume? Like 20 dudes just sat down for some work function thing and all their collective smells have conglomerated into a mega scent cloud which was completely robbed me of my availability to smell or taste my meal. I’ll never forget what that one old lady said in the hospital elevator after some scent cloud abomination left, she said, “ now that is for special occasions only or someone special” or something to that effect and I agree, like you can smell good for your family and partner but for the love of god if you are going to a wine tasting or a restaurant, PUT THE SCENT DOWN. Of if you must, Spray, delay, and walk away.

Okay back to the Unicorn content. Back before the general population could read, all those MFs believe in Unicorns. The original tapestry (7 panels) was commissioned by some rich person with the initials “A & E.” No one ever found out who they were. Fast Forward to when Rockefeller buys them and donates them to the Met. The story is according to ancient royal inventories, James V built the palace part of Stirling in 1530, and he owned over 100 Tapestries because we all know James V was FAB-U-LOUS and knew how to pull a room together, so him and George Villiers had beautiful things to look at while fucking.

Tapestries were apparently a great piece of art for the rich and famous because it was ART-THAT-TRAVELDED… like roll it up, hang it up, we are done here. According to James’ official tapestries inventory, he at one point owned something called The History of the Unicorn which is different from the 1495 dated Hunt for the Unicorn. When they were restoring the castle they needed tapestries and decided to copy that one. It took 14 years to re-create the 7 panels and the original 5th panel was never recovered so they filled in what they thought was supposed to happen based on the religious symbolism throughout the story. The movie Death of a Unicorn also has some fun with the missing panel but is telling a VERY different story.

“Stop telling me how to cook my buns, OKAY Rupert?!”

As for the original tapestries, nothing is known about them for the first 180 years of their existence. In 1680 they belonged to a French duke and family for 100 years. They were stolen during the French Revolution and recovered in 1850 then later purchased by Rockefeller. The story covers the hunt and the capture of a unicorn, but reads either as a religious metaphor or love story. The religious message is that Christ, represented by the Unicorn, purifies water for the animals (humans) to redeem them from/taking on the sins of the world.

There was a lot to see at this castle. There was a very large Kitchen-scape with SO. MANY. REENACTMENT. MANNEQUINNS…this made me very happy because damn I love me some weird reenactment mannequins, tis’ peak European museum effort. It says, yes, take me back to this scene and place and time. How life-like are these mannequins? Always questionable, very degrees of likeness. This one scene was packed to the gills with the plaster undead, there were even dogs in the mix and kitchen and talking noises playing in the background. Like what is this? A squabble about bread? Amazing.

Monday December 3 - Glasgow

Today I took the subway to the botanical gardens after getting a latte from a Glasgow barista named PORTLAND. His parents literally named him after Portland, Oregon because they loved it so much and Portland has NOT been to Portland and he very much knows he needs to get on that. At first I thought all the baristas just had their hometown on their name tag but no, that was his actual name. What a time to be alive.

The Glasgow Botanical gardens are part of a larger park/path walking situation. The paths are along the River Kelvin and I am now just making the connection to the name of the River and all the stuff named around here but I’m sure it all traces back to a Saint name. I went into the main glass greenhouse. It was, um, gross? It was also beautiful. Like it smelled bad and kind of moldy and the dome looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in years. I can simultaneously be concerned for my lung health yet also have a fascination with micro-climates (see Portugal blog about the most spiderweb invested wine cellar I’ve ever been in). I mean sure, these are things that need a subtropical climate but also can we clean the mold off the iron work?

At the botanical gardens I learned about the following:

Karen Blixon who was the main protagonist of Out of Africa and how she had Syphilis and how the juice of the Sausage fruit could have ailed her symptoms but is also very ironic considering the other sausage probably got her into that mess… She got the Syph from her cheating husband. The fruit of the African sausage tree (Kigelia africana) would have helped her. Syph is crazy and paleontologists and archaeologists can usually tell when someone died of Syph from their skeletal remains. Don’t ask me why but I have mild curiosity in the origin of this disease and there are quite a lot of fascinating theories about where it originated and where it first appeared.

Okay back to things at the mold dome, I mean greenhouse. There was an art class there that were sketching plants and the statues that punctuated the various walking paths and I wont lie, I loved looking at what they were trying to sketch to the plant(s) across from them.

Along the main path around the main garden there was a chronological timeline thing that I was not totally following but here is what I gathered:

1817 – The start of the botanical gardens

Whollem Pine: The world’s rarest tree species , original fossil records were discovered in 1994 in Australia.

Monkey Tail Trees: a/k/a Robertslana/Cyathea, also originally from Australia.

A lovely walking path along the River Kelvin

True Crime: Madeline Smith (1857) poisoned her lover who tried to blackmail her into marrying him when she wanted to break up with him because apparently the word “no” was and let’s face it, still IS, a male ego destroyer. Anyway, that asshole was an apprentice at the gardens and because she was a socialite it was quite the sensational murder trial back in the day. They had extensive correspondence during the affair and he basically threatened to publish the letters unless she married him to which she went straight to the pharmacy and got some arsenic. It’s an interesting case that defiantly sparked interest years after it had supposedly concluded.

The greenhouse of black mold poisoning also had a lot more cool pines, tamarillos (like tomatoes) aloe vera, succulents, ferns, etc. I could’ve stayed longer but black mold water was dripping on my head, like c’mon parliament, this place needs a scientifically backed deep clean. BYE.

To rid my lungs of the greenhouse juju, I decided to explore some of the walking paths that took me to the arboretum trail. Saw some twisted tree branches and lots of off-leash dogs having a grand ol’ time. I finally got to pet a dog. I also saw a Shih Tzu being a complete little hambone and it really made me miss Archie.

After that I headed to Ashton Lane which was very touted on travel websites but was literally just two parts of some streets with some shops and restaurants and bars which is great, love, it is not the grand affair that the internet made it out to be. If just shopping, 30 minutes, maybe an hour will suffice, if eating at multiple places, etc., maybe a two…three hour thing? I did find a DOPE jumper (sweater) pronounced jump-ah- so it was all a win. Maybe this area is cooler at night as a bar hoping option? There seemed to be some good food options over here. Like I was here on Monday during that day, what was I expecting?

After a pit stop at the hotel, I went to the Gallery of Modern Art. Enjoyed quite a few pieces and watched their main exhibit which was Mimesis: African Soldier by John Akomfrah. It was a one-hour visual piece representing the African Soldier in WW1. It was presented across 3 screens, like a triptych, and each screen was either real reels from WW1 or filmed imagery about the African soldier in WW1. Sometimes it was all in color, sometimes all black & white, sometimes all doc footage, sometimes all the filmed footage, or a mix or the same scene from different camera perspectives, overall, it was a visually arresting and a real testament to editing as an artform.

Next I got drinks at Malo which is marketed as a Negroni bar, and I do love a Negroni and Scotland when not loving Whiskey pours love into its other spirit, Gin. I got a seasonal drink called a Charlie Brown. Delicious. Gin era thriving.

I then went to The Last Bookstore for dinner which is a really cool bar/restaurant/cocktail bar that has good food, cocktails named after authors like Hemingway and Steinback, with very heavy library décor, such as archways made of books, bookshelves, etc. It looks super cool.

Next I went to Harold night at the Glasgow Improv theater. It is on the 3rd floor of a bar called The Old Hairdressers Louge which is a no frills, good performance space. I made a temporary friend, a hot Glaswegian named Max or Maxum. He is taking classes here and is supposed to come to shows to get a sense of performance and learn more. Maxum kind of looked like Michael Fassbender though shorter. We had some nice chats about improv, travel, and pets. I was hoping he would have asked me for a drink after the show but I could’ve have done so too. I’m not feeling so bold on this trip for some reason. I do regret not asking Max to hang out further. Overall, the show was pretty funny. There were two Harold teams and both were working with some great threw lines.

Highlights included:

View from the second floor of The Last Bookstore

Tarquin – The bad clarinet playing son of a horrible rich Victorian mother who bought a zoo to “feel free” (there was truly some witty stuff happening here).

Going Tiny – Drs. And subsequent Drs. who get lost in a man for weeks with a simple stomach problem.

A child rodeo.

Being bad at being a werewolf because they would rather do puzzles.

After the improv show, I did go to Sebbs. Had a multi cocktail including a banana chocolate negroni which was actually fucking delicious ( the gin had been infused sous vide with cocoa beans) with just a touch of banana though I can’t remember if it was an infusion or a touch of a banana liquor…talked with all the bartenders and managers. Sebbs also touted a great selection of “wines on tap” but the more I try “wines on tap” the more they really are just “wine aerated within an inch of its fucking aromatic and flavor life.” Maybe the only wines that are meant for wines on tap are wine that need a lot of aeration but also why what situation would ever call for that? Would you want to have aged red wine come out of a keg? This is a topic I’m definitely interested in exploring more in a future blog. Because I don’t know if it’s a price thing, or a general lay customer won’t know about it but this Ribolla Gialla on tap really sealed the don’t fuck with tapped wine deal for me. Ribolla Gialla is a medium bodies grape dawg and this tasted like water tainted with tartaric acid. WTF?

EPILOUGE/FINAL THOUGHTS: This trip was the first one where I had the intention to just stay in one central place and explore from that point. I was still able to explore many other cities/towns that were indeed just fine to be in for a few hours and not days. I continue to fall more in love with Scotland and look forward to hopefully many more trips there, and maybe next time when its lighter out.

Just a Dream and the Wine to Carry Me (A Wine for Every Song on Christopher Cross’s 1979 Grammy Award Winning Self Title Debut Album)

Art | Wine | Adventure